Belief is Scary

So something I've kind of fibbed about is my comfort in my beliefs. I guess it's more of a fib of omission. You see, I'd been worried for a long time that despite my honesty with myself and what it is that I fundamentally believe in (the "what" at least; I'm still working on the "why"), there has been a terrifying thought in the back of my head that this is all a form of escapism. I worry that I have retreated from God and Society under a false pretense of enlightenment or a phoney spiritual pride that makes it OK to ignore the responsibilities of adulthood.

It's occurred to me that these fears are not unfounded. I believe that I am quite guilty of escapism in a few ways, but maybe not the ones I expected.

It hit me when I spotted something I disagreed with from one of my favourite philosophers, and was very distraught. Trying to justify it or figure out what it was he meant, because I must have been misunderstanding him. I was scared that I hadn't found the answer after all, after having come so far. I had also begun to worry about money yet again. After all that mental conditioning I've put myself through, after telling myself that it's all going to be OK, I still freak out and have panic attacks. All that work for nothing, it would seem.

Of course, the very same philosopher (once again, Alan MF-ing Watts makes another appearance in my ramblings) said, "To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float."

Herein lies the answer to those that accuse the "take the path of least resistance" approach as escapism. The mistake that is usually made is the misinterpretation that it means to give up, or be lazy. It is, in fact, escapism to not take that approach because to open yourself up to possibilities, to the harshness of life, and to the fact that no matter how much you learn, to matter how much you deliberate and contemplate, there is always the possibility that you are mistaken; it requires a commendable about of courage. What a terrifying beast doubt can be, and yet it's so fundamentally important to the search for truth. It is when doubt instead becomes this kind of faith that peace can be found, I think. Of course, that's something I still violently struggle with and it's a source of great frustration for me. It's hard to hold on to faith. Everybody knows that.

I had nearly forgotten that this faith is what pulled me out of that self-destructive mindset in the first place. How hilarious is it that it's the same thing that is now a new source of anxiety? The excitement of thinking about things from a new angle has worn off, meditation has become a routine (which I guess it's supposed to be) rather than a new and exciting exercise, and my beliefs are becoming just that: beliefs. Faith brings liberation, but beliefs become ingrained into your very being and eventually confusion when confronted by that faith you had at the beginning.

So, doubt became faith, which became belief, which became doubt again, and now I guess after this self-revelation I'm at the faith stage again. So how does one stop this strangling cycle and stay at the faith part? I wish I could be like the axle of a wheel; fixed in place and part of a whole, but unstuck to the machinations around it.

I Feel Beautiful in the Head Today

Took a walk in the woods today. Nothing helps me think better. Of course, the clarity with which I'm thinking while I'm out there, like a high or dream, quickly fades when I come back home. I keep thinking that maybe I should seriously consider being a hermit for a little while, just to see what happens. In any case, here's the general gist of what I was thinking about today. Or at least, it's the best I can do with what I remember.

---

I kept thinking that I need to organize my life. Then I sat down by a stream and saw the rocks and pebbles strewn in random places, while the water flowed around them. It dawned on me that people say things like "get real," or "welcome to the real world." Their "real world" is full of grid patterns, straight lines, files, structures and numbers. We need these things to function, and yet the real real world is random, spontaneous and messy. Yet life, like the water, finds a way around everything with great ease. The real world can function, indeed it thrives, without the organization that we seem to need. So perhaps we're actually quite stupid in comparison with the world. I find that quite uplifting and encouraging.

---

I think some ideas and feelings are self explanatory, and can't be otherwise defined. Love, anger, hatred, happiness etc. These things require no explanation because they are experienced at a very young age and the adults say to you, "that is anger," or "that is love."

We can give these things characteristics and descriptors, but we cannot truly get at the core definition. However, that sits fine with me. I would rather revel in their magnificence than try to say what they are or what they are for. I'm sure people might be getting tired of my Alan Watts references, but he describes a real philosopher as something of an, "intellectual yokel." Somebody who can't stop gawking at things and at the grandeur of life itself.

Props to the philosopher's who deal with that by defining things, and deciding whether or not that sentence makes sense, or whether or not this concept is logically valid. It's not for me, though. I am content in simply being.

---

Existence is playful.

The sight of a bathing bird or a squirrel eating a seed brings delight to my soul. Everything bounces and jitters and makes funny sounds. It all seems so light. The flora around us blooms and explodes. It dangles and sways. It spins and unfolds. It runs on and on in it's own messy, wiggly way.

If you asked me, "What is the nature of our existence?" I might answer by humming a song.

Man, maybe I am going crazy.

From Christianity to Mysticism

I've been having a serious inner debate on whether or not to talk about a few things up here. Mainly because they are very personal, and partially because I'm not really done thinking about them yet. I haven't really put my thoughts together on this one (but what else is new?). This is actually a very sensitive subject, not just for myself but for some of my friends and family (some of whom actually read this thing).

This Easter season has made be start to think about a few things. Such as the fact that it occurs to me that I never have explained to anybody, myself included, the reasons behind what makes me so uncomfortable with Christianity, Catholicism in particular. So let me start out with talking about that for a bit, then segue into something completely different without really finishing any of my thoughts. Cool? Alright, let's begin.

For lack of a better description, I sort of drifted away from it in my mid-teen years without putting a hell of a lot of effort into it. That's not to say that I didn't think about it at all, far from it. Rather I just didn't have that sudden rebellion to it that most people do when they leave. The main reasons were the basic doctrines that I couldn't accept on blind faith. Contrary to popular belief, Catholicism makes complete logical sense after you accept a few things as truth without any proof. Some people call it "faith," others, "gullibility." I think it's probably somewhere in between (and also that neither is necessarily a bad thing), but that's not the point.

The point is I never had that feeling. I was never able to take that leap of faith. These days, I feel like I have a much better grasp on "spiritual" concepts than I have before, but even if I could grasp these basics of the faith it's now the things that are supposed to make sense that bother me.

There are several facets of the religion with which I take issue, but the one I would like to talk about is the belief that we are born flawed. Not just original sin, which can be overcome through Baptism, but the idea that no matter what is done we are doomed to never achieve wholeness in this life. There seems to be a concept that this life is, if not a test, a mere precursor to what we were created for. I find this disturbing. I don't understand the point of this life if we were flawed at square one because of something we didn't do. Do we have to prove our goodness to achieve peace?

Do I think we are perfect? I believe that the whole notion of "perfection" is insane. I don't think it means anything except as a descriptor for something that can't ever exist. If you asked me to point out the perfect person I would point at the nearest person (after slapping you), just like a perfect rock would be a rock that does what a rock does (which is the nearest rock). There is no Great Rock that is the rockiest rock that ever rocked.

Now, I also believe that a rock or tree cannot behave in a fashion that betrays it's nature. This is where people are different. I think it's possible for people to forget how to go about people-ing (to borrow yet another word from Alan Watts). I don't claim to know exactly how somebody persons perfectly but I know, in a similar leap of faith that the Christians make, that I can find out how and that I can find it in this life. I also can't claim to know why or how we got to the point of so many of us forgetting what it means to be a person, but I still can't shake the feeling that many people are pretending, or buying into a hoax, and admitting that is the first step.

Isn't it funny that the word "mystic," when used as an adjective means "mysterious, strange, enigmatic, obscure," and yet as a noun, a mystic is somebody who, regardless of religion, dedicates their lives to making sense out of life, most commonly the nature of the self? From yogis and gurus to the Saints, they search more for an answer to a person's nature than obscure rituals and hokey philosophies. Yet, if you were to call somebody a mystic it strips them of credibility in the eyes of most modern thought. They come to us and tell us that what matters the most to us isn't what really matters. They almost unanimously say that we are buying into the game, and they try to warn us that it's only going to bring anxiety. No superstition, no sacrificial goats, no hemp shirts, no psychedelic drugs (debatable), no homeopathy, nothing. Just a simple message.

To quote the ever immortal Bill Hicks, "They say 'Don't worry. Don't be afraid. Ever. Because... it's just a ride.'"

"and we kill those people."

The Cosmic To-Do List

A little bit of a supplementary for the last entry. I had a comment from my sister and I was going to quickly answer in the comments section, but I feel as though this warrants some more careful consideration. So, Sarah's original quote was as follows:

"Not out of virtue or duty, but because this is another one of those contradictions. If one accepts and reaches out to people and remain unconcerned about having the same be given back to them, they will begin to feel a welling of happiness within them."

Do you suppose that this feeling of well-being springs from nowhere? Could it be possible that virtue and duty are in our nature and therefore give us feelings of well-being? A thing is best itself when it complies with its own nature. I think the virtue part is necessary, as it saves this magnanimity you speak of from being condescending and self righteous and prideful.
I love that prayer of Francis too (being a Franciscan)... Have you read his Canticle of the Sun? The language or ideas may first offend you but I am sure as you contemplate it you will love it!

Sarah:

I absolutely agree with you. Virtue and duty are very real and important things, but in being virtuous for the purpose of being a virtuous person I believe there is a danger of not just, as you say, being self-righteous but also of forgetting our nature. Similarly, doing things merely because they are your duty can lead to grudges and dissatisfaction. Putting names on positive qualities gives them a strict definition, which is good in many ways, but also makes them easier to corrupt and even easier to lose sight of what they really are. It's difficult for me to make sense of all this, because defining the attributes is a tricky and dangerous thing.

Virtue is close to the idea I'm trying to convey, but I feel like this nature is sort of inexplicable and even if I could explain it, then I would end up trying to pursue this explanation instead of the real thing. The closest thing I can say is that there are just Things You Do and Ways You Think that are either a part of your nature and therefore good for you (producing nice things like peace, happiness, satisfaction etc.) or they are contrary to it and will twist you in bad ways. It is my conviction that it is in our nature to be kind.

However, now arises the argument that we are all different emotionally, physically and even spiritually. Why on earth would our natures all be the same?

While it's true that there are no two people exactly the same, we all (typically) have bodies that function in the same. Our hearts pump blood through our bodies, our lungs take in oxygen, our livers cleanse our bodies of toxins. When one of these things stops working, we get sick and die.

I believe we are all different and that being different from each other is (sometimes) what makes this an interesting and beautiful world to live in (RAINBOWSBUNNIESSUNSHINELOVEPEACEHAPPINESS whew, I had to get that out of my system). However, much like the human body and it's organs I think we all have an underlying nature or "spiritual organs" if you will.

So there it is. I think.
I wrestled for a long time over how to end this entry but came up with nothing. Be well.

Premature Pontification

This thing deserves a little preamble. Before I had decided to write a blog and was still wrestling with contradictory ideas and emotions, I decided to start jotting things down without thinking about them. Just getting some thoughts on paper. I then put it up on Facebook to see what people thought. The result was heavily inspired by, nigh ripping off (except poorly and more about being confused and less about being a lesbian, although perhaps I could write an entry about that as well), a chapter in Bear Bergman's book "Butch is a Noun". So there's that disclaimer right there, which means you're not allowed to yell at me if you've read the book, and if you haven't then go buy it and read it.

The response was pretty good (see: nobody shouted, anyways), and so then came the blog (something that, combined with the not-so-hardcore veganism, mild activism, meditation and adherence to ancient eastern philosophies, further solidified me as a dirty hippie and somebody I would have hated not three years ago. Seriously, as I am typing I am surrounded by candles and listening to droning Egyptian meditation music). I will include commentary afterwards, and I may have tweaked a few parts of the note to make it sound better (although it's still a bit awkward to read), without touching the ideas therein. So if you're still with me, I give you my first voluntary stab at writing from the heart, as it were:

Who I am speaks loudly, but thinks quietly.

Who I am is a genius. Except for when I’m not a genius. Which is never. Except when I’m being thick, which is most of the time. Especially when I’m thinking or speaking. Except when I’m thinking or saying clever things.

Who I am never cares what people think about me. Except for when I’m trying to impress them. Which is never, really, unless I like them. But then, if any fruitful friendship is to be had, then they should be equally impressed by me as I of them. So I should be impressive. Except not too much. I want to be myself. Except more impressive. But I still don’t care what people think.

Who I am is in complete control of myself at all times. So much in control, in fact, that I quit a bunch of things because I was out of control.

Laughter is an important part of who I am. I will do anything to make you laugh. Unless it makes me look stupid. I’ll never, ever attempt to look thick. Unless that will make you laugh.

Who I am speaks slowly, but thinks rapidly.

Who I am resents nothing in people. Nothing except resentment, that is. Also, I never gossip, except for when it’s out of concern; then I can say whatever I want.

Who I am is the kind of person that will always stand up for a woman. But only if they need it, and I’m not acting out of a false sense of chivalry. After all, they are strong and can stand up for themselves. Except of course, in the case that a woman wants somebody to stand up for them. Except of course, if, in certain situations I would only be serving to reinforce the stereotype of the damsel in distress. Except for when it is a damsel in distress. But that’s an outdated paradigm and who are you to presume what a woman is thinking anyways you insensitive prick. Except if you are a woman, and have a problem with any of what I just said, in which case I owe you an apology and I’m sorry.

Who I am can’t seem to learn enough. I can’t understand, and yet I interpret. I read about a billion things a day, but only little chunks of information on a plethora of different subjects. I misquote and misread to suit my own means and explanations. Except for when I’m sure of the meaning of something. Which is all the time. OK, I’m really sure of this one. I’m positive that I mean what I say unless it’s something I only sort of believe, so that I can get away with a certain philosophy or lifestyle. Except I’m really sure about my core beliefs, so a little skewing of the smaller details is totally fine, right? Also, I hate it when people don’t realize that not having strong knowledge on things makes their argument crumble.

Most importantly.

The truest, greatest thing about who I am.

I haven’t contradicted myself once.

So there it is. I rather liked it at the time, and still do to a certain extent. However, it would have been useless to me had it not been for a friend's comment. This friend of mine and I, we don't always see eye to eye, but there is a mutual respect for each others thinking. At least I think there is. I suppose I shouldn't speak on his behalf. The point is he's a very intelligent person, and after he had finished telling me I should write more, he said, "Now that you know all this about yourself, what comes next?"

I dismissed it, at first. Saying it was just a silly note and mostly a joke. However, he pressed.

"I agree that this isn't only about you, there are many ways of thinking that apply to all of us, however there are many expressions here that are deeply personal. After writing this and externalizing some of these ideas you probably have gained a deeper awareness of your own self. Do you make a conscious effort to become less contradictory, do you attempt to reconcile your own opposing nature, or do you do nothing and return to status quo?"

Goddammit, man. Then I had to think, and was since branded with a thought that wouldn't leave. A playful skepticism of some of the illusions in life. After all, most of what I wrote is about worrying what people think of you, or what kind of person you want to appear as. Since everybody has completely different preferences and opinions, this becomes an impossible balancing act. So I suppose the first step is to go back to the first point, and have a genuine lack of concern for how you are perceived; but then that depends on how you measure yourself as a person. Do you see your own worth through the acceptance of others?

Or, you could see none of these things as contradictory; that every thought process hinges on the conditions of your situation. Sometimes, it's impossible to see the correct way to behave/think, if there even IS a correct way.

I have since come to the tentative conclusion that, while I value friendship immensely, there are few instances where there is a definitive "correct" way to behave and that the only dependable thing in life is, in a sense, the intangible self. The self that is not concerned with being impressive, nor with finding love or acceptance. I also have found it is better to be accepting then to be accepted. Not out of virtue or duty, but because this is another one of those contradictions. If one accepts and reaches out to people and remain unconcerned about having the same be given back to them, they will begin to feel a welling of happiness within them.

Although I think we may have had something to say to each other with regards to terminology (I'm pretty sure we would have disagreed with what "Divine Master" and "Eternal Life" are), Saint Francis of Assisi said exactly what I am trying to say, only way better and hundreds of years ago:

Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

"Truth?", Directionless Pondering, Veganism and Angerless Fury

During my routine-ish swim today I was beginning to slip into the old, "what's going to happen in the future?" train of thought, yet it was unsettling for me in a completely different way than it usually is. You see, many things have happened recently. I have moved and entered into something of a new phase of things, income is happening but not exactly stable, my spiritual beliefs are on the fritz, there is an election campaign going on in my country that I am perhaps more anxious about than I should be, I have not yet heard back from the schools I applied to, and there are other, more private matters that make my future uncertain. However, it's different this time because it feels less like I'm not acting properly or taking things seriously enough and more like it's all an enormous hoax.

I have lived my life until recently under the notion that there is no such thing as subjective truth. I don't know what caused the change, but I can tell you that I was resistant to it because I considered subjective thinking to be wishful, fantastical thinking. It was simply not being realistic. Now I'm even struggling with the definition of the words, "realistic" and, "reality."

It feels as though every time I think about very basic things my mind strips it down. Every time that happens I end up with more questions and don't get anywhere. Yet at times I see a dog shit on the sidewalk and reach an astonishing conclusion. It's as though I'm trying to shoot at a target that can read my mind and moves out of the way every time I change my shooting angle. Then when I throw down the weapon in exasperation, it misfires and hits the target.

These moments come as a great relief, usually, but I can't tell you how infuriating it is to not be able to just sit and deliberately reach conclusions; to only be able to make a point accidentally. I couldn't even succinctly tell you why, exactly, I decided to become a vegan. It wasn't a thought out decision, or any one particular principle reason. I have vague ideas of how I can't justify it ethically, although I can't say it's unethical to not be vegan, either. While I know there are health benefits (and I feel fantastic), I also know that I have to take B12 supplements and more carefully monitor that I get what I need because I know we are built to eat animal products (although far less than we typically consume). Not to mention that meat is far more delicious than it has any right to be. It just seemed like a reasonable thing to do. It wasn't for bragging rights or to make me feel better about myself. It's kind of embarrassing, actually. I can't even remember what made me come to this conclusion, but I can't say it was an uninformed desicion either. I only know that I can't imagine going back to the old diet.

I can't look at anything the same way. It's like having a traumatizing or scarring image burned into your brain, changing the way you see things. Only it's not hurtful, just a little unnerving. I'm not exactly afraid or frustrated, just kind of off-balance. This new(ish) way of seeing things gives me intermittent intervals of complete fearlessness and seemingly unending compassion. Between those intervals, though, it feels like limbo. Not frightening, not paralyzing, certainly not nothing, just sort of... not.

It makes me want to find any school, bank, church, temple, office, political rally (even ones I support), day care center, box store, apartment complex, mall or gas station and shout at them.

"IT'S NOT TRUE! IT'S NOT FUCKING TRUE!"

A Rookie Who Warns Other Rookies

Meditation over articulation.

Seek to contemplate and further your own understanding, rather than make your own viewpoint understood. It is my belief that when you truly understand something you will not need to argue your point, rather you will be able to explain it definitively and succinctly with no room to question. Beware the desire to understand in order to sound intelligent or sound like you understand better than others. This defeats the purpose of contemplation and meditation, and will lead you to make distinctions that are untrue and unreal. It's possible that just by saying that I have overstepped the bounds of my own understanding. I've never been very good at following my own advice. One step at a time.

Acceptance over achievement.

While one must certainly work towards whatever goals make them happy, too often they become distressed or overloaded trying to achieve them. Somebody who reaches the goals they have set for themselves is commendable indeed, but the importance of patient acceptance of your situation at all times is paramount. If you do not accept this as truth, your happiness will be fragile at best while trying to reach your goal, and indeed possibly well after the fact. What happens if you reach your finish line and it is not at all what you expected? Will you try to bend it into something you did expect? Enforcing your will on your surroundings will not work and it will merely bring frustration rather than results.

Always be entering, never exiting.

This is kind of silly, but I've always had this rolling around in my head and wanted to get it down. When you go through a door, you are not exiting the room, rather you are entering the hallway, or the bathroom, or your bedroom. When you walk outside your house, you aren't leaving your house but entering the outdoors. Furthermore, when you go from one room to another, you are still in your house. Whether you are in your house or not, you are still on the same ground. So yes, as insipid as it sounds; never leave, always arrive.

Be sure that you keep your humor.

I mean good humor. Contrary to what many comedians (some of them my among my favorites) will tell you, I believe there are things that are not funny. Not to me, not to you, not your friend with slightly bad taste. While many things are a matter of perspective, I believe things cease to be funny when they harm another person. Whether you are laughing at somebody's pain or a joke you told serves to perpetuate a harmful misapprehension or spread unkindness to a person or group of people. Gossip is poison.

However, not to finger-wag the whole point away. I don't mean that a well-timed verbal jab or playfully making fun of something/somebody is always evil. Laughter is part of how to overcome adversity. For example, when I came out, my family was understandably nervous and didn't know how to approach the subject. They attempted to be respectful but the air around the place was usually uncomfortable. Then one day my sister made a joke about it; a small, innocent, queer joke and at that moment the awkwardness was completely shattered. All I wanted from my family was not for them to be completely ok about everything, but ok enough to have a laugh about it. The point is that the intent wasn't malicious, and led to happiness and understanding.

It's possible that I hold humor above all else as the most important aspect of my life.
The fact that I'm so serious about it is funny in itself.

Story Time Boys and Girls!

As he walked down the path, thinking about this and that, he came across a lizard.

"Hello, there." He said, "Who are you?"

"A lizard, obviously." It replied, sounding offended.

Flummoxed by this answer, he asked, "What, then, is it that makes you a lizard?"

"I do!" It shouted, then skittered away under a rock.

He continued to walk until he found he had become tired and came across a magnificent tree. A great weeping willow. The curtain of tiny leaves created a canopy for him as he rested under the tree.

"Hullo!" said one of the tiny leaves.

"Hello, there. Who are you?"

The leaf replied with warmth and energetic kindness, "I am this tree!"

Hearing that, he laughed himself to sleep.

And Now For Something Completely the Same

Zen master Basho once explained, "When the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear."

I believe this is also found in the Upanishads, but I'm not sure about it. It's not really important who said it or whether it's Zen or Hindu, the point is it was said (probably by somebody old, beardy, and funny) and it's true.

Not being an expert in these sorts of things, I could easily be wrong, but I can draw from personal experience to explain what it's all about. It is true on the interpersonal level of literally finding a teacher (mentor, author, philosopher etc.), or on the much more complicated, yet in a way easier, level of assimilating things on your own, using the world as your teacher.

A person who "doesn't get it" isn't necessarily a fool, they may simply not be ready to understand. Many things have to fall in place for somebody to come to an understanding, enlightenment, Nirvana or whatever. One cannot force himself into understanding something just as he cannot force himself into reading a sign on the other side of the ocean until he takes the trip to get there. Something has to catch on his mind. Something has to click.

I remember deciding one day, a few years back, that I was going to be a philosopher. As if it were a decision to be made. The very thought of it is laughable. I went through book after book without really understanding any of it. Each philosopher's work seemed to be a construction of deliberate complexities and webs on top of webs on top of webs. One day, in the middle of the reading, I quietly closed the book and threw it in the garbage. I don't endorse the mistreating of books in any way but at the time it was an act of frustration. "PHILOSOPHY IS STUPID," I screamed, internally and decided that either I was a fool or these authors were. Little did I know, that action had planted a seed in my brain that would blossom years down the road.

The problem was, I had no need for understanding what life was all about at the time. When you have no need for something, it's hard to have an appetite for it. When you have no appetite for something, it's hard to consume it.

It often takes reaching the breaking point to gain a need to understand just what the hell your head is all about (of course it can tragically go the opposite way, as well). Why do you think self-destructive celebrities, and suicidal rock stars often suddenly take seemingly drastic u-turns into new philosophies or religions? You'll never find anything if you don't feel like looking. Once you do find yourself needing to understand, well, the closer I feel I come to it, the more joy I feel.

Things started to fall into place: discipline, happiness, energy, practice and a sense of self-respect not felt ever before. A person who practices the piano and hates it until the day she dies will never become truly great, no matter who is teaching her. A person who experiences pure bliss whenever she plays will find herself becoming better and better, regardless of teachers.

However, now I am making it sound like being ready to learn is the same as desiring to learn, which is still not the case. Sure, you can hammer the multiplication tables and "amo, amas, amat" into a person's skull and have them memorize it perfectly, but the great mathematicians and linguists understood something beyond the simple structure of their respective fields. They were able to absorb, recreate and revolutionize because perhaps something just happened in their minds through a combination of education and experience.

The aforementioned teacher is, in a way, the self. True genius, I think, comes entirely from within and is merely augmented by education and cannot blossom without the self being ready; and once it is, there is a trust in oneself that must be present.

Even Einstein, one of the most prominent figures in physics (among many other things), once said, "If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts."

Amazing thing, I thought at first, to hear one of the greatest examples of the scientific genius in the last century would think of facts, of reality, as being so flexible. Until you realize that he did indeed disprove widely accepted facts of physics and replaced them with his own. I find it hilariously appropriate that his most well known achievement is called the theory of "relativity."

So I believe this is the nature of understanding, learning and subsequently, genius: observation, desired education, experience, unselfish confidence, and humor.

You are the first real teacher you will ever have.

My Brain is a Tumble Dryer of Thought-like Things

Having something great to offer to the world seems to be an increasingly big deal, yet the idea of common good seems to be fading fast.

Think about your state of mind when you watch a movie. Other than possibly critiquing it as you watch, you aren't thinking about other things, but are receptive to what is in front of you. Try doing that when you are walking down the street. Once you've gotten good at that, try getting there in your head while staring at a blank wall.

Why do I feel my intelligence has been insulted when somebody corrects me on something I know little about? Or even when I know a lot about it, for that matter.

I really need to stop entering philosophical/religious discussions in order to convince people. It is both presumptuous and pompous. Likewise, I need to curb my need to justify myself when I am on the other end of the conversation.

People who grin when they are wrong are weird.
People who grin when they are right are creeps.

People who smile when they are right are great.
People who smile when they find they are wrong are fabulous.

When somebody says, "That is not like you," reply with, "It was."

No fortress is impregnable. Which is good, because that means you can put people in it.

If something you do does not bring you goods or recognition, can it not still have worth?

Accepting things as they are is not the same as taking things at face value.

If you think there is the concept of a perfect thing and yet it can't be achieved or found, why even bother with the concept of "perfect"? Just go with "better." If you still insist on this concept, go find a tree or a rock and look at it for a second. It does exactly what it is supposed to without needing a flawless version of itself. It is perfect.

Giving while expecting reciprocation is not truly giving.
Receiving without reciprocating makes you a dick.

Any magic(k), divine influences, or otherwise supernatural occurrences can probably be explained. However, maybe not all of them should be.

I think I've forgotten something very important, but I was too young to remember.

Everything I know is infinitesimal compared to how exciting everything I don't know is.

Those are all the things. I got no more things to say.