I've been having a serious inner debate on whether or not to talk about a few things up here. Mainly because they are very personal, and partially because I'm not really done thinking about them yet. I haven't really put my thoughts together on this one (but what else is new?). This is actually a very sensitive subject, not just for myself but for some of my friends and family (some of whom actually read this thing).
For lack of a better description, I sort of drifted away from it in my mid-teen years without putting a hell of a lot of effort into it. That's not to say that I didn't think about it at all, far from it. Rather I just didn't have that sudden rebellion to it that most people do when they leave. The main reasons were the basic doctrines that I couldn't accept on blind faith. Contrary to popular belief, Catholicism makes complete logical sense after you accept a few things as truth without any proof. Some people call it "faith," others, "gullibility." I think it's probably somewhere in between (and also that neither is necessarily a bad thing), but that's not the point.
The point is I never had that feeling. I was never able to take that leap of faith. These days, I feel like I have a much better grasp on "spiritual" concepts than I have before, but even if I could grasp these basics of the faith it's now the things that are supposed to make sense that bother me.
There are several facets of the religion with which I take issue, but the one I would like to talk about is the belief that we are born flawed. Not just original sin, which can be overcome through Baptism, but the idea that no matter what is done we are doomed to never achieve wholeness in this life. There seems to be a concept that this life is, if not a test, a mere precursor to what we were created for. I find this disturbing. I don't understand the point of this life if we were flawed at square one because of something we didn't do. Do we have to prove our goodness to achieve peace?
Do I think we are perfect? I believe that the whole notion of "perfection" is insane. I don't think it means anything except as a descriptor for something that can't ever exist. If you asked me to point out the perfect person I would point at the nearest person (after slapping you), just like a perfect rock would be a rock that does what a rock does (which is the nearest rock). There is no Great Rock that is the rockiest rock that ever rocked.
Now, I also believe that a rock or tree cannot behave in a fashion that betrays it's nature. This is where people are different. I think it's possible for people to forget how to go about people-ing (to borrow yet another word from Alan Watts). I don't claim to know exactly how somebody persons perfectly but I know, in a similar leap of faith that the Christians make, that I can find out how and that I can find it in this life. I also can't claim to know why or how we got to the point of so many of us forgetting what it means to be a person, but I still can't shake the feeling that many people are pretending, or buying into a hoax, and admitting that is the first step.
Isn't it funny that the word "mystic," when used as an adjective means "mysterious, strange, enigmatic, obscure," and yet as a noun, a mystic is somebody who, regardless of religion, dedicates their lives to making sense out of life, most commonly the nature of the self? From yogis and gurus to the Saints, they search more for an answer to a person's nature than obscure rituals and hokey philosophies. Yet, if you were to call somebody a mystic it strips them of credibility in the eyes of most modern thought. They come to us and tell us that what matters the most to us isn't what really matters. They almost unanimously say that we are buying into the game, and they try to warn us that it's only going to bring anxiety. No superstition, no sacrificial goats, no hemp shirts, no psychedelic drugs (debatable), no homeopathy, nothing. Just a simple message.
To quote the ever immortal Bill Hicks, "They say 'Don't worry. Don't be afraid. Ever. Because... it's just a ride.'"
"and we kill those people."
