I've been having a serious inner debate on whether or not to talk about a few things up here. Mainly because they are very personal, and partially because I'm not really done thinking about them yet. I haven't really put my thoughts together on this one (but what else is new?). This is actually a very sensitive subject, not just for myself but for some of my friends and family (some of whom actually read this thing).
For lack of a better description, I sort of drifted away from it in my mid-teen years without putting a hell of a lot of effort into it. That's not to say that I didn't think about it at all, far from it. Rather I just didn't have that sudden rebellion to it that most people do when they leave. The main reasons were the basic doctrines that I couldn't accept on blind faith. Contrary to popular belief, Catholicism makes complete logical sense after you accept a few things as truth without any proof. Some people call it "faith," others, "gullibility." I think it's probably somewhere in between (and also that neither is necessarily a bad thing), but that's not the point.
The point is I never had that feeling. I was never able to take that leap of faith. These days, I feel like I have a much better grasp on "spiritual" concepts than I have before, but even if I could grasp these basics of the faith it's now the things that are supposed to make sense that bother me.
There are several facets of the religion with which I take issue, but the one I would like to talk about is the belief that we are born flawed. Not just original sin, which can be overcome through Baptism, but the idea that no matter what is done we are doomed to never achieve wholeness in this life. There seems to be a concept that this life is, if not a test, a mere precursor to what we were created for. I find this disturbing. I don't understand the point of this life if we were flawed at square one because of something we didn't do. Do we have to prove our goodness to achieve peace?
Do I think we are perfect? I believe that the whole notion of "perfection" is insane. I don't think it means anything except as a descriptor for something that can't ever exist. If you asked me to point out the perfect person I would point at the nearest person (after slapping you), just like a perfect rock would be a rock that does what a rock does (which is the nearest rock). There is no Great Rock that is the rockiest rock that ever rocked.
Now, I also believe that a rock or tree cannot behave in a fashion that betrays it's nature. This is where people are different. I think it's possible for people to forget how to go about people-ing (to borrow yet another word from Alan Watts). I don't claim to know exactly how somebody persons perfectly but I know, in a similar leap of faith that the Christians make, that I can find out how and that I can find it in this life. I also can't claim to know why or how we got to the point of so many of us forgetting what it means to be a person, but I still can't shake the feeling that many people are pretending, or buying into a hoax, and admitting that is the first step.
Isn't it funny that the word "mystic," when used as an adjective means "mysterious, strange, enigmatic, obscure," and yet as a noun, a mystic is somebody who, regardless of religion, dedicates their lives to making sense out of life, most commonly the nature of the self? From yogis and gurus to the Saints, they search more for an answer to a person's nature than obscure rituals and hokey philosophies. Yet, if you were to call somebody a mystic it strips them of credibility in the eyes of most modern thought. They come to us and tell us that what matters the most to us isn't what really matters. They almost unanimously say that we are buying into the game, and they try to warn us that it's only going to bring anxiety. No superstition, no sacrificial goats, no hemp shirts, no psychedelic drugs (debatable), no homeopathy, nothing. Just a simple message.
To quote the ever immortal Bill Hicks, "They say 'Don't worry. Don't be afraid. Ever. Because... it's just a ride.'"
"and we kill those people."
My own reflections on this belief (which I have had to think about a lot be cause I didn't get it either) are that Perfection is not a matter of adhering to arbitrary standards but in becoming perfectly ourselves... Each of us are a thought in the mind of the Maker, he sings that thought out and it is so loved by him that it comes into being. That creation is given the choice to love in return and be itself or to turn inward on itself. (like you say: a rock rocks and a tree trees-)The first people who chose to turn in on themselves and become "gods", stepped outside of their created nature. (And having a limited created nature is not, contrary to popular belief, a bad thing... all created things are limited) . So then it says in Genesis that when they chose to do ill they were removed from the garden and given death ("sister death" as St. Francis called her) so they would not have to live in eternity with the sadness and alienation that their unnatural choices brought. There you begin with a thing called the afterlife. Isn't that kind of cool? So the "curse" of death was in fact a mercy of sorts... we can not escape accountability (and anyone who has ever apologized for something has to admit to wrongdoing... that's everyone!)The afterlife is our opportunity to become what we *ARE*. Heaven is not arbitrary either. When we die we will be at home in the world we have accepted in life- if it is love and goodness and mercy to our fellows then heaven will be a place of joy. If we have chosen selfishness or pride or ignorance or injustice we will live in it. you know, we make the bed we will lie in... make sense? We aren't "proving our goodness"- we are *RECOVERING" that original beauty. That's why we all try to find ourselves! Anyway, that's how I see it.
ReplyDeleteLove and hugs. Peace and joy.
Also... I always thought it was from religion (since mystics tend to be born from some tradition) to mysticism and then back to religion-to inform peons like me! The defining quality of a mystic is *mediation* of the intangible to the world.
ReplyDeleteI like your blog. I am assuming that you wish to spark cool trains of thinking and discussion so I comment... if it seems like I'm antagonizing you please know that I'm just talkin'... I love thinking about this stuff!
I have a comment about your last one too... can I post it?
<3
Beautifully said. However, it still seems to me that it's still saving up or waiting for completion in death. A viewpoint of which I'm not really a fan. More on that in a later entry. I think I talked for a long time without saying much in this one, but I think I put down some good groundwork for a better post.
ReplyDeleteand of course! Post away. I wouldn't put this stuff up publicly were that not the case.